Imagine, if you will, an intelligent alien race that subsists exclusively on meaty riffs. Now, just suppose that they happen to pass within a couple light years of Earth this Friday night (which would still be well in range of the sonic shockwave emitting from the Highline on Capitol Hill, physics be damned). Not a single member of any band playing this night would be safe from abduction and, presumably, a short, torturous existence as one of the most highly-prized, hair-laden plants in their grotesque riffgarden.
Eesh. Perhaps less morbidly, imagine if a mad scientist was attempting to build a huge beast with riffmaking superpowers – a perfect creation of profound heaviness. He would likely want to start by kidnapping and sedating each member of Red Fang, Sandrider, and Serial Hawk in order to surgically sew them together in some kind of “centipede” formation…
Ah, never mind all of that. Let it simply be said that these three bands make some amazing heavy shit, and Lori LeFavor is serving up a treat for the continuing celebration of her Infinite Productions’ 25th Anniversary by bringing all three to the finest vegan metal bar/venue on Capitol Hill.
Red Fang’s contribution to the heavy music community goes far beyond their hilarious music videos, though they deserve inclusion in the LARPing hall of fame for their self-deprecating take on who would actually have the upper hand if metal dorks drunkenly fought actual dorks in real life.
Praise need also be bestowed upon them for taking the stoner rock genre and boozing it up with melody, a strong reverence for classic metal, and gallons and gallons of blue ribbon-winning Milwaukee lager while still maintaining strong musical integrity and blazing a cheery grin across the distant parts of the World they repeatedly traverse.
Despite having such a noble and experienced headliner, the rest of this bill is equally as attractive. In fact, if this bill were a formulaic romantic comedy, Sandrider would play the beautiful friend of Red Fang, who would be cast as the handsome and aloof lovelorn schlub who is simply too stupid to see Sandrider as anything other than a friend – even though they have so much more in common with each other than whichever supporting band Red Fang mistakenly fancies at the moment. It will be this night that they finally kill the sexual tension and hook up, much to the cathartic satisfaction of the audience.
With the addition of the rumble-ready Serial Hawk – whose upcoming EP release will soon be making a splash comparable to an elephant falling from a humanitarian airlift into an above-ground pool – the night is looking to become a glorious ménage à trois of sonorous thickness that will turn the packed audience into a beer-slicked, throbbing mass, locked in voyeuristic gaze at the pulsating spectacle before them. Fair warning: this show will sell out, so come early and come hard.
TL;DR: Aliens, riffs, human centipede, sexy times, don't miss
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